My lease was up in LA October 18th so when she asked I moved home. I now work part time and help around the house the rest of the time.
On the weekend of October 14th we went to Aspen CO where they got married to scatter some of his ashes. The rest will be laid to rest at sea later this month as Richard loved to sail. Here are pictures from that trip. I went out of my way to make my mom laugh as did all her other friends. Oh, I may not have mentioned it but the same weekend we were in Aspen was also their Anniversary weekend and the weekend of the annual John Denver Gathering.
Dang it! I have tried to upload these images twice now but it doesn't want to let me. *sighs* I will try again tomorrow.
Journal - 11/13/2000 @--->----
My mother got remarried this past Oct. 14th. The wedding was lovely! I helped mom plan it all out and had so much fun doing it. She looked so beautiful in the gown she made. Because this is her second marriage she refused to wear a traditional white gown. I can understand that. So instead her gown had a pale green skirt and the blazer was off white. She wore a garnet jewelry set and white roses in her hair. I made up the bouquet as she wanted silk flowers that would last. That was fun too. She choose a wide variety of flowers. Most of them were white but she had me use mini maroon colored carnations as accents. It came out very nice!
Well it has been three and a half months since I last posted a journal on here and I find myself in need of doing so again. Many things have changed in my life.
Here are some pics of the wedding! As you can see Mom and Richard looked very nice!
The Piper is an old friend of Mom's from her highschool days named Carl. Though he is not in these pics we also had her other highschool friend Kevin (he was her drum major) there playing the drum to match Carl's pipes. It sounded very cool!
At the beginning of this month I made a trip via train to go to the family reunion/ wedding reception. None of Mom's family could make it to Aspen CO where she was married. But EVERYONE from her three brothers, to extended family, to her parents did come to the BBQ. Including my sister and I. I got to help with grilling the burgers and hot dogs. A thing I found more fun than mingleing with my mother and step father's friends. Not that their friends are bad people in any way, but I was so tired from the train ride and the hectic week before that, that I was just not up to being very social.
I have never traveled by train before. It was an amazing expiriance. I have always loved to travel, so long as I had home to come home to. Being only 23 has limited me somewhat in traveling but I plan to change that in coming years! :)
While on the train out to California I met two very interesting people. The first one was a woman named Connie. She was a delight. I got to listen to her tell me all about living in Hawaii for 26 years and listening to her story made me decide that I really must visit that place! I can only imagine the delight of splashing/swiming,scub diving (once I get my license) in such warm, clear water. It should be a grand adventure. If/When I do end up out there I really hope to be able to run into her again. I think she would make a wonderful tour guide... talk about knowing the area!
The other person I met, and actually spent most of the trip visiting with, was a man named Howard. He was on the train just to see America and perhaps to look at job potentials. Home though is in England for him. His accent was so fasinating! I loved asking him questions and listening to him. The best part though was that for all that his accent was delightful, the person under that was far more so. Talk about liking to travel, he has been to so many places it nearly blew my mind! In some ways I felt so backward and uninteresting listening to him, add in how exhausted I was the whole trip I can only hope that what little I did talk about I managed to keep my who's/where's/why etc... staight! Compared to the stories he has told me I have lived a very simple and fairly quiet life. Still I found that even with him being so wordly we had some things in common. I guess the world is not so big after all. :) Some people might say that I am infatuated with him. I suppose I can see why they would say that but I rather like to think that meeting him was like a close encounter with a potentialy wonderful friendship. If I could have only one wish come true right now I think I would like it to be that real friendships did start between myself, Connie and Howard. I think that would be a lot of fun.
In other news I have left being a Nanny. The choice was not one I would have made so quickly but while I was in CA things changed out here and when I returned I found it was time to move on. So for now I am living with a very good friend, with most of my stuff in storage while I return to working in Corporate America. I actually don't mind being back as much as I thought I might. I am currently working a temporary job for the State of Colorado. This has many perks to it, not the least of which is that once this ends and I move to CA I can put it on my resume' and working for the State ALWAYS looks good.
Yes I am moving. That is the latest bit of news. I have been in Colorado, Denver Area, since 1991 and am ready for a change. I miss the ocean, my family and wish to see what new things I will encounter in a new place. All of my mothers family live in CA, mostly in the San Diego area. With luck I will end up there but that is unknown at the moment. I guess it all depends on how the job market looks.
Journal - 10/26/2000 @--->----
The first of which is I no longer have Jeff as a roomate. Change is always around my life, probably because I love change. This time though the changes came with little to no warning and caused life altering differences. Because I lost my roomate so quickly I was forced to move. Now most people would think that had the potential to be hellish. And they would be right. But I like to think that my choices were for the best. I have become a Nanny.
Samantha is a darling little girl and I truely love having her around. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly babies learn and change and grow. It is a wonderful gift to be able to watch this up close. (smiles)
Another one of the changes is that I have been forced to revamp my ideas on love and how it happens. I still believe in what I wrote down below in the previous journal entry but I have added to it I guess you could say. Now grant you this revamp has been going on during the past year actually. But only recently have I felt stable enough on it to write it down.
I still believe that love takes hard work and total commitment but I have found that love at first site (or maybe first encounter) does happen. It has happened to me. But it is not all the fairy tales make it out to be. Love at first site is "HOT", and so dynamic. But while I believe it is real it is not lasting. At least, not so far.
I have found that Love at First Site can not only be "hot" and wild, but deciving. The last man I dated was the final straw that broke this camels back.. When we met he was so charming and sweet. So loving... and in essance, everything I ever thought I wanted. He started to play me like a fiddle and since we had only been dating for a few weeks I decided to put my foot down and said "NO". I know it was the right thing to do, not only because of the whole mind games thing (I HATE those) but because I have not missed him at all since he left.
Another change that has happened in the past three months is that age old "Who am I" question. I have always been confident in who I am, though not always so good at showing it. I took some time to think about it and here is what I answered...
Who am I?
I am a woman. Not to be confused with a Lady. Though at times I have been known to resemble both. I am earthy, loving, gentle, fun, playful, sassy, sensual and quite special in my own way. I adore most animals and hate spiders. I consider myself rather lovely as I know who I am, what I am about. I accept my imprefections beleiving that they make me stronger and I refuse to let anyone step on that. Add in I like what I look like on the outside and you get confidence in spades, though I don't like getting in peoples' faces. I am openminded, a dreamer, a supporter, an idealist, a lover (of food, movies, books, music, arts and much more!) and loving. I cry at some movies, laugh at others... that goes for books too. I have a vivid imagination. I live where I work but I don't live for my work. Not totally anyway. I am a nanny. I left the corporate, ladder climbing world (of which I was doing quite well in - in so far as money goes) for a life that focuses more on fun. I am not weak willed nor am I weak minded. As Henry David Thoreau said "I am not who I think I am. And I am not who you think I am. I am, who I think, you think, I am."
Note to self:
Remember there is so much to life, so much to love, so much to learn and so much to explore.
Keeping in mind this whole dating snafu I decided that I would make a "wish list" of the qualities I would request of the next man I date.
Be a man not a gentleman (when I say gentleman I mean it in the historical sense of the word). Don't be macho. Have honor (think of Rob Roy MacGregor type of honor). Be who you are deep down inside where you don't like most people to see when you are with me... in any setting. Be loving and gentle. Be willing to argue with me, as nothing is perfect. Be willing to learn and grow with me and please, be brave, strong and fun (not to mention willing to have fun!).
To be continued...
Journal - 07/11/2000 @--->----
Well here we are again with another journal entry that I felt like sharing with all of you nameless people out there! My roommate and I recently had a chat about my expectations in dating and about love. You see Jeff, my roommate, thinks I am far too picky. I don’t agreeÖor rather, I do just not with the way he put it.
I am picky. Not so much about the body, though there are parts there too, but about the person. In so far as the body goes all I ask is that he be taller than I, decently heatlthy and have straight teeth. Jeff can be okay with the first two things, he just thinks that the last thing is asking too much. He says that most people have neither the time nor the money to spend on braces and that I should get over it! Well be that as it may, I still can not picture kissing anyone whose teeth look like they would be better placed in a horses mouth than in theirs.
Where I really tend to get a bit picky is in the quality of person that they are. Like I said on the main part of my bio, I want to be cherished and adored. Now it seems to me that for me to feel that way the person I am with has to show me. Just as I would do my best to show him that I cared that much too. Things like Gentle public displays of affection. Like holding hands, or arms around the waist, gentle lingering kisses and smiles to name a few. I love flowers and though have rarely received any, love getting them at work or when I walk in the door at night. I am into shouting it to the world when I am seriously involved with someone. I don’t mean possessively but in little ways that make it impossible for anyone to miss that I love “whoever” and that “whoever” loves me. Does that sound like too much to ask?
I think it is a good thing to be picky to a degree. I think the first steps to loving someone start with him or her being able to make you happy. If you don’t know what makes you happy, how can you hope to be able to find love? It seems to me I hear the phrase “when you aren’t looking is when it is going to happen” far too often. Love is a dream and a goal to me, and the only way to make your dreams and goals come true is to go out there and get to work.
I have loved two different men in my life thus far. I won’t go into why I am not with either man because that is not what this journal is about. Still I think it should be said that the pain of losing each man is what has brought me to the belief that I should be a bit picky about whom I date. In some ways I will always love both Ryan and Jason but I am no longer IN love with either one. Each day that I live I learn something new about myself. I try to hold those lessons close to heart where I can continue to profit from them, yet far enough away that they do not slow down my life anymore. I have a slightly jaded hope in the old clique’ “third time is the charm”. (Raises an imaginary wine glass) “Here is to the third time”!!
